Essential Oils Mom Baffled How Child Got Sick

HOUSTON, TX — Local mom of seven and resident expert on essential oils and homeopathic remedies, Purity Grasse, was baffled by 7 year old son, Ledum’s illness last week.

“We only eat organic, non-GMO foods: gluten-free grains, free-range chicken and eggs, and grassfed beef.” Purity said. “I regularly diffuse Thieves essential oil blend throughout the house and immediately apply homeopathics if my children so much as sneeze.

We don’t vaccinate or even associate with people who vaccinate their children. I clean the house thoroughly with all-natural cleaners every day. I don’t allow my children to use public restrooms or playground equipment. Taking baths in hand sanitizer is part of our regular post-shopping routine. I just don’t understand how it’s possible for Ledum to have gotten sick.

I suspect he must have gotten exposed to contaminated food at the Pattersons’ house. They once brought a bag of Cheetos to small group so I know they’re reckless with their health. I packed Ledum a lunch for his play date but he might have succumbed to temptation.

I’m going to have to have a talk with Becky Patterson and probably reconsider all future playdates with her son Billy.”

{ Back when one of my favorite websites, The Babylon Bee launched, I got inspired and wrote a series of satirical articles that I submitted in the hopes of getting them published on the site. This is one of them. None of them were accepted so I thought I’d share them on my own site instead. }

One thought on “Essential Oils Mom Baffled How Child Got Sick

  1. Pingback: 2017 In Review | Living In Heaven's Shadow

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