Homesteading Cured Family Of All Sin

HOUSTON, TX — Local family, the Goldenchilds, sell house in city to homestead in undisclosed secluded location. Sightings of the Goldenchild family are now infrequent since they grow all their own food, make their own clothes, and have church at home. But in a recent pilgrimage to Big Sandy for an annual family conference, in which all of the Goldenchild daughters were seen chastely wearing denim jumpers and head coverings, the patriarch of the family, Noah Goldenchild, was heard to tell admiring friends that “homesteading changed our lives. It basically got rid of our sin problem. All of my children now obey me perfectly and my wife submits to me in everything she’s told me I should do. We’ve arranged marriages for all fifteen of our children so now there is ‘no uncleaness named among us.’ All those years that we struggled with our marriage and with parenting we thought our problem was selfishness within ourselves when really the problem was the corrupting influence of society and urban life. Once you leave society behind, all of your problems will go away.”

Stay tuned! It is almost certain that the Goldenchilds will be sharing their success story at next year’s conference which will inevitably lead to a publishing contract.

{ Back when one of my favorite websites, The Babylon Bee launched, I got inspired and wrote a series of satirical articles that I submitted in the hopes of getting them published on the site. This is one of them. None of them were accepted so I thought I’d share them on my own site instead. }

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